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Q: Should an 11-year-old girl be left with her friends at the mall for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon? That question provoked intense discussion at a recent parenting workshop. The girl's mom argued that her daughter was very responsible and looked forward to these weekly trips. The girl would play video games, look at clothes and hang around with other kids at the food court. Another parent proclaimed that it was stupid to allow such a young girl to wander unsupervised around the mall. "My daughter's safety is more important than her independence. She has lots of time after she gets older to hang around malls, but at 11 she is going to be right by my side!"

A: Your job as a parent is to make yourself unnecessary, preparing your children to live fulfilling lives without your guidance and support. As children mature, parents are challenged to determine at what age youngsters can independently walk to school, ride their bikes in the neighborhood, baby-sit other children or stay home alone.

These are tough decisions, as parents try to balance ensuring their children's safety while still promoting their autonomy. There is no single age that all children achieve these various developmental milestones, but here are the two factors that parents should consider before leaving their children unattended.

How mature is my child? Children develop at different rates. In making decisions about independence, consider your child's level of responsibility. Does your youngster follow through with tasks? Does she demonstrate good judgment when faced with problems How does he handle new situations?

The best predictor of what a child will do is what he has done in the past. It's important to give your child ongoing opportunities to prove their maturity and responsibility. Give your children chores around the house. Present them with minor challenges as a way to teach them good problem solving skills.

One parent told me that she routinely deals with her 6 and 10 year old boys in this way. When the mom forgot her purse and couldn't pay for three bags of groceries, she asked her sons what ideas they had for solving this problem.

What is the degree of risk? Walking with friends to a school three blocks away is probably less dangerous than being alone at a mall for the entire afternoon. It's probably fine to leave most 11-year-olds at home for a few yours, but I wouldn't let a 15-year-old stay home alone for the weekend.

Here are some things to consider before you leave your children unsupervised. Make sure the rules are clear. When you leave your children home alone, what exactly are they permitted and not allowed to do? Are friends allowed over? Should they answer the doorbell? Are they allowed to speak with friends on the phone?

Anticipate the unexpected. Prepare your child to deal with unanticipated events. One parent told me about her 9-year-old daughter who was allowed to ride her bike within a mile of their house. When the bike got a flat tire, the girl didn't know what to do. She didn't want to leave her bike unattended, and the bike was too heavy for her to carry all the way home.

Do the "what if" game with your kids. Here's a great way to determine your child's maturity level. Present them with various problem situations and see how they would deal with them."What would you do if a good friend's mom wanted to use the phone in the house, you felt sick and the phone wasn't working, or a teenage girl banged on the door screaming for help?" Your child's answers to such questions give you an excellent insight into their problem solving skills.

Don't overreact to mistakes. Use your child's errors as an opportunity for education and problem solving. Don't totally take away their privileges for a single episode of bad judgment. Continue to supervise. When kids are left home alone, it's critical for the parents to come at unpredictable times to check on how things are going. The mom who left her 11-year-old at the mall would show up early on occasions just to see what was going on with her daughter. Your children earn your trust and their freedom by demonstrating responsible behavior. Don't take their word for what's going on. Continue to check up on them.